Lindz

A herd of elephant clouds lumbered on the horizon, driven on the strong wind which rumbled as if by the thundering of their feet. Lindz stood next to her car, which she had parked a full minute before, unable to force herself to go inside the house. The front walk stretched longer than it ever had before and Lindz examined the yard trying to find the forced perspective. She wondered why the spot was open in front of the house, a spot that was always filled. If she had to park up the street she wouldn’t be confronted with the front door now, or even better if there had been no spots she could have circled the block for just a little while.

“You don’t have to stay,” she told him, getting dressed and throwing her hands out in punctuation, like a magic trick that made this all make sense. “I can’t hold you here, I wont hold you here. If you know what will make you happy then you should just go find it.” Lindz crossed her arms and anticipated the response he didn’t give. She opened her mouth but didn’t say anything, the room filled with crushing silence and her eyes blazed. Lindz turned and tossed her last magic trick sharply in the air, shaking her head and giving him nothing but back as she angrily fled like Lot from Gomorrah, saying “Because obviously it isn’t me.”

She was angry all day. Everything that came to hand was struck with a blow, a hollow inarticulate thwok of frustration. But the more time she spent with it the more nuanced it became. He didn’t have anything to say at the prospect of her leaving, and as much as she hated him for it she became more disgusted with her own willingness to endure the rejection for the hope that he would eventually open his mouth. She knew at the end of the day there was a confrontation with something and the closer it drew the more she was filled with dread. Above the reconciliation, or disintegration, the fight or the empty house was the fear that he may still be there, still with nothing to say, and she would settle for it.

The air grew still and Lindz felt horribly out of place standing on the curb, looking at her house. She started up the walk and thought "Let's talk about regret and not use any names because one of them is yours and the other isn't mine."